My horoscope told me today yesterday (this post has idled somewhat), “Use your time productively” and I told it right back, “Fuck you, I’ll use my time however I damn well please.” Then I stuffed my face with cheese and turned on my television which, due to indecision paralysis, ended up playing a silent screensaver for the next two hours while I browsed Youtube on my phone.

I’m fairly certain I’m not the only one in this mood.

One of the occupational hazards of working for so long in the K-drama space is that watching shows becomes work. I am aware at how privileged that sounds and is, but it doesn’t prevent me from occasionally envying everyone for whom entertainment is purely entertainment and in no way connected to work or obligation. For me, it is work that I enjoy very much, but very much work. Much of the time, this causes a gentle, ever-present low-key stress that keeps me motivated to stay abreast of content as it comes out, knowing that the minute I take a break is the minute everything begins to build up into a snowball of stress that grows bigger with every unwatched episode until it threatens to roll down the metaphorical hill of my procrastination and smother me with its weight. I prefer the gentle, low-key stress. It is manageable, mostly.

Right now, though, I’m indulging in a tiny rebellion. Anything that smells even slightly of productivity feels like a burden; I am resisting on some sort of principle that rejects the desire to keep up appearances of normalcy. I am putting in the effort to remain functioning and no more, thank you very much. Finally, my sloth has power.

I’ll take my chances with the avalanche this time.

17 thoughts on “Anti-productive

  1. This is exactly what I have been feeling! I was super productive the first Monday I was off work but this is now Day 14 and I’m borderline going crazy. Just can’t get myself productive. Even making a checklist does not work anymore.

    Let’s all hang in there, I guess.

  2. Hi There
    No you are not alone
    I wanted to watch ep 10 of memorist and my iPad is sitting in front of me and I am busy browsing on my phone in peace ,since the kids have slept and husband watching money heist
    I am so glad that you are writing again

      • I bet nothing can beat a focused uninterested to be anti productive being

        I do look-forward To my dramawachimg time ,after a day of,homeschooling a 9 year old and a dealing with a hopping 2 year old toddler but mostly I do is such random stuff ,I browse through recipes and I have cooked so much Korean and Thai food at home I cannot even tell

  3. I’m currently ignoring:
    – all those wonderful suggestions what to do while being locked down (virtual galleries, theatre plays, concerts…)
    – online fitness courses
    – e-mails from kindergarten about what wonderful things our twins could do at home
    – messages from high schools about home schooling of my sons
    – dirty windows
    – …and floors… and…

    Nice to know I’m not alone 😁

      • 😁😁 I need to keep this, frame it and look at it whenever I feel guilty while procrastinating 😁😁

        Btw, I’m so happy you started writing again 😘
        It also seems like eons away when subtitles came after A WEEK and your recaps allowed us to follow (and discuss) a drama “live”…

  4. I feel you. I envy that dramas are your work but yeah it definitely must be stressful! What do you watch when taking a break from your work?

    Dramas are entertainment but they’ve taken over my life so I decided to stop watching till I complete my dissertation. After the lockdown I’m just not able to work. So I’m not working nor watching dramas. It sucks!

  5. Oh thank you for this description of my life right now. I can’t seem to be productive and then feel, guilty when I’m not. Supposed to be looking for work – but who the hell is hiring tech writers? But it’s hard giving myself permission to be a sloth.
    But I’ll try – and maybe be successful at least to that!! Sloths unite

  6. Being productive is for commoners… I’mma gonna settle for sloth for the time being anything that stops me from going crazy at the moment πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘

  7. You are not alone in this mood, JB. Even I feel that way about dramas, and they are still a pure form of entertainment for me. I would feel bad if I didn’t leave any comment on recaps thread of the show I love, but writing a comment seemed like too much of a work these days. And if watching dramas meant I have to write out my thought about it, I’d rather procrastinate as long as I can. There’s a valid reason my youtube recommendation is now full of pretty cakes and cute pets videos.

  8. I have more shows added to my “watch list” on Netflix than actual shows I’ve ever watched on Netflix. I get on and get that same indecision paralysis and end up spending an hour just collecting possibles to someday watch. So, no, you are not alone in your avoidance of commitiment to a show. ;-)

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