My horoscope told me
today yesterday (this post has idled somewhat), “Use your time productively” and I told it right back, “Fuck you, I’ll use my time however I damn well please.” Then I stuffed my face with cheese and turned on my television which, due to indecision paralysis, ended up playing a silent screensaver for the next two hours while I browsed Youtube on my phone.
I’m fairly certain I’m not the only one in this mood.
One of the occupational hazards of working for so long in the K-drama space is that watching shows becomes work. I am aware at how privileged that sounds and is, but it doesn’t prevent me from occasionally envying everyone for whom entertainment is purely entertainment and in no way connected to work or obligation. For me, it is work that I enjoy very much, but very much work. Much of the time, this causes a gentle, ever-present low-key stress that keeps me motivated to stay abreast of content as it comes out, knowing that the minute I take a break is the minute everything begins to build up into a snowball of stress that grows bigger with every unwatched episode until it threatens to roll down the metaphorical hill of my procrastination and smother me with its weight. I prefer the gentle, low-key stress. It is manageable, mostly.
Right now, though, I’m indulging in a tiny rebellion. Anything that smells even slightly of productivity feels like a burden; I am resisting on some sort of principle that rejects the desire to keep up appearances of normalcy. I am putting in the effort to remain functioning and no more, thank you very much. Finally, my sloth has power.
I’ll take my chances with the avalanche this time.